As I stand before the cheval glass
Admiring the impression without crass
I exist in the echoing sounds of broken glass
I can not deny you are still here
In my crowned wisdom to the falling tear
I have made myself orphan of the year
Oh father
Your shadow exists in silent fondness
Knowing you've departed I exist in numbness
I’ve reached the status of alumnus
Though my grip is tight on dumbness
Nothing to show but my glumness
Reaching a seemingly definitive plateau
Unable to shake this unbearable throe
Oh father
I yearn sadly for those words to hear
Lost and alone you are nowhere to steer
I fall at your feet in self defeat
A homeless orphan in the street
A fatherless child I have heedlessly become
A confounded false truth in your shielded mum
Oh father
Only to the Almighty God Jehovah have I succumbed
Searching for love in my daily hum
The truth remains you were ashamed
Lost in lovelessness untamed
With faith I only hope to remain
My own consciousness to blame
Riding on a horse with no saddle
Left alone to fight life’s battle
Oh father
I have been transformed to a new me
Struggling and awaiting for a world I have yet to see
Though my reality is your indignity
I prance in your weeded garden
Becoming ever so hardened
Despite my intended pardon
I have become resolute in my own victory garden
Oh father
I effortlessly levitate in mother’s path of sorrow
As she desperately longed for another tomorrow
Lost in her own web of lies
She has yet to realize
I am an extension of your eyes
An appendage of your soul she so stealthily denies
Oh father
Everyone living carefree
Facing their own ignominy
Repudiated scornfully
Only to be received sullenly
Displaying no repentance
I actively serve a life sentence
I came to exist in your error
Facing my own truth alone in furor
Oh father
My life is a bitter certain untruth
Neglected and forsaken like a painful tooth
I know their game
It is such a shame
They will never accept their own blame
Disdained and despised --it is all the same
I am their target, their focus, their one true aim
Oh father
My innocence has lost it’s youth
I take a deep breath in spite of you
Undeniably reflecting pieces of a shattered soul
I know that my very essence is indeed your mold
You are my admiration to judge you I will not
I wish there was a way to say that I miss you a lot
Oh father
You are not really gone
I am indebted as your swan
In a silent embrace
I caress your face
As I stand before your impression
No longer an undoubted question
I shall never look back
Memories shall never lack
I will try not to be sad
The former things shall pass
Nothing ever really lasts
Forever and always
I love you dad!
Angel's Bio: I wrote this with the deepest part of my soul. I lived amongst members of the same household who were in on a grisly secret far too long. Writing this poem was an emotional release. I am still battling an identity crisis but it gets better for the most part. This is surely a life altering situation. I am taking it one day at a time thanks to Jehovah's help. I am writing a personal memoir and hope to share my story with the world. My life isn't so boring after all.
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